Graduate Spotted at Coasters for 4th Time This Month; Dry Spell Unsalvageable, Say Friends

The same alum was found at Coaster’s multiple times this month “just hanging out” with new students.

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After two weeks of events, pub quiz, parties, and typical TuesYays, students predicted that there would be an influx of alums present during the beginning of Block 2. Our investigative journalism found these predictions true. For the fourth time this month, local alum has frequented student-volunteer bar Coasters, among other graduates.

“I think the dry spell is really getting to him. I mean, I’m just here for the cheap drinks, of course,” commented a friend in company, glancing over from his friend to the new first year tapping his beer. “It makes sense, though, to come here. If something happens, it happens-- to him, that is. I got dragged out here for him. I can’t relate to his dry spell even a little.”

The barstaff on shift commented that it’s usual to see some alums like this. “They consist of 95% of the pitcher purchases at Coasters. As long as they’re happy, I’m happy.” It is believed that the Coasters Board chair nodded in agreement behind the barstaff, but it was a little hard to see behind their wall of Greyhound cocktails.

We reached out to the alum in question for a comment, but he preferred to do the interview in my room under more “private” circumstances.